What I Learned this Weekend

This weekend was a rush! My good friend P got married to her love CE.  It was a wonderful and magical weekend; however it was hot!  We had a great time but I learned a lot…and when I mean I learned things, I really did!!! I am mimicking one of my favorite bloggers (Cassie), but I love lists! I like to make lists a lot and I like to read things about lists. I’m a list freak.  So in the spirit of lists, I have made one that details all of the things that I learned, I hope you enjoy!

What I learned this weekend:

1.      Spray Tans are tricky!

Don’t laugh, they really are! If you are unsure about how to stand, make sure to ask, or be like me, and watch several YouTube videos.  But don’t be like me in the fact that I watched the wrong kind of spray tan video that showed 4 different stances.  The mystic tan only has 2! I prepared myself all day in anticipation of the tanning extravaganza!! When I got into the room I remembered everything I was supposed to do.  I put the barrier cream on my hands and feet so that the tan wasn’t too dark there. I put my hair up in the shower cap so that it didn’t smell.  I was feeling really good at this point.  As I stepped into the booth, I was ready.  The voice came on and said “please position yourself, tanning will begin in 5-4-3-2-1”…the burst of color startled me, but I was ok.  I was standing awkwardly, but I knew that I was getting maximum coverage.  Then the voice said “please turn, spraying in 5-4-3-2-1”.  I scrambled, I forgot how I was supposed to stand.  Were my arms supposed to be up, or out, or in front, what was I to do.  I panicked and put my arms out like a policeman said, hold it right there.  Well guess what, that wasn’t right! As I toweled off and looked around the room, I noticed signs everywhere showing you how to stand.  I put my clothes back on, walked out, and went to Kroger.  It was there, standing next to the Velveeta that I noticed “The Great Divide”.  Not only did the tan look wonderful on the top of my arm, the tan stopped there.  In my rush to get into position #2, I forgot that the backs of my arms had to be sprayed.  Needless to say, all weekend I did not “raise the roof” because if I had, the “Great Divide” would have shown! So yes, spray tans are tricky!!!

Can you see the Great Divide? It had not darkened too much at this point.

2.      My feet are crazy!

Heels plus dancing means I suffer for days! I know this fact; I say this fact to myself all the time.  However, when it comes down to it, I always pick the shoes that are cute, not comfy.  Well on a day that I had to stand, walk, and dance, the comfy shoes should have been a top priority.  As I got dressed, I was so excited because I found these amazing wedges that matched my dress perfectly.  I mean the Greek gods could not have picked out shoes to match a dress any better.  Anyway, I wore them to pictures, then as the day heated up, they got a little uncomfortable.  When I walked down the aisle to read my Bible verse, I was a little shaky, but alright. When I was escorted out, I knew that it was getting worse.  By the time the cake was cut and the band had started, I thought I was going to die.  But, I pushed on.  I danced and danced; I even danced some more.  Walking to the car proved to be miserable.  But if it were even possible, getting out of the car an hour later at my house was impossible! It was like coals were lit under my soles.  I had to peel the shoes off just to walk to my door.  I’m finally better, but it was just yesterday (Tuesday) that I made the recovery.  That’s 3 flipping days!!! I’m old and my feet are crazy!

Ohh, Ahh, Ouch!

3.      I’m a sweater, the end!

No, I’m not a piece of clothing! I sweat.. the end.  I have tried pulling off the, oh I’m not sweating, I’m glistening.  But all that is, is a load of bull! My grandfather was a sweater, my mother is a sweater, and I am a sweater.  Even if it isn’t hot outside, if I am doing something that requires minimal effort, I sweat.  I could never be one of those cute girls in the gym that is sweating, but still they look mostly dry.  No, I’m one of those people you see whose face is the color of a tomato and looks like she just got out of the shower.  You may walk past me and judge how gross I am, it’s ok, judge away! I have always been this way and my friends have accepted it.  On my bachelorette party, a good friend made me wear this terrible hat. By the end of the night I wanted to take it off, but my friends made me put it back on because I looked like such a hot mess.  This wedding was no different.  The fact that it was outside, made it worse.  I started sweating before the wedding, but just a little.  I blotted it away and was fine.  By the time my feet started hurting, and after the dancing, I was gross! I heard a while back that you could inject botox into your sweat glands and you wouldn’t sweat anymore.  But if I was to do that, I would get poisoning because it would take so much botox just to stop me up! So I need you all to know this fact…I sweat…the end!

This is before the sweating got too bad!

4.      Birds can get you on a roller coaster!

This is the last, but most important thing I learned this weekend.  Let me set this up for you.  My family takes a trip every summer together.  I have told you how crazy we all are, but we love each other.  My 1st cousins are like my sisters (and brother, Russ) and their children are like my nieces and nephews.  So this year everyone went to Disney, everyone but my family (mom, dad, husband, and me). They were really bummed that we couldn’t go, but took off anyway ready for fun.  Everyone decided to go to Universal Studios one day and ride some of their roller coasters.  Now you need to know how my family is…we fight over front row seats.  It doesn’t matter if one of the “kids” wants to ride in the front, me and my older cousin will fight for it.  You need to know this because while telling the following story, please remember, it could have easily been me that pushed my way into the front.  So while riding this amazing coaster, a bird decided to make a run for it..and what do you know hit my 7th grade cousin.  Upon instant death, the bird stuck with him for the rest of the ride.  Obviously the gforce of the roller coaster does not allow for something to be thrown off once it has impelled you.  So imagine riding for 3 minutes with a bird…a dead bird stuck to your stomach.  (Sorry, I had to stop and have a panic attack to finish writing this!) My family is calling him a bird slayer and having a grand ole time laughing it off.  BUT, if I were there, the medics would have to peel me out of the seat, clean it up, and take me to the emergency room for some zanax that flows through an IV.  I love roller coasters, but I believe I will stay off of them from here on out.  Who knew that birds could get you up there!!

I hope that you have learned as much as I have this weekend! Happy (late) Memorial Day to everyone, especially the men and women who fight or who have fought for our freedom! We owe you!!!